I did post this on tumblr too, but because I can't vent to ppl directly unless like, forced too, I'll just post this here too. So much whining.
Wow. Can’t get a fucking break. Last year just before christmas grandma on mom’s side died. After christmas we had the funeral. After that grandpa started getting rapidly worse. This year he’s been getting worse, and it turns out it’s a tumour. Now just recently he got a lot worse, which means mom has to go down to look after him sometime this week, which will take her away for days at a time. Which would be fine, because of course me and my sister can take care of the horse! If any of us had a driver’s license. Which we don’t. And dad can’t be bothered to give us a ride, despite being on holiday.
The thing is right now the horse is out at Ljusterö. Which means it’s a 4h trip out there, with bus, train, subway and ferry. That is if we get picked up at the ferry, if not it takes even longer. Also, there’s no proper shower out there; a hose connected to the kitchen tap. You stand on the porch and shower, which normally is fine but BOTH me and my sister has our periods this week. Not a good combination >.<
Things that also happened this year: grandma on dad’s side died. The horse got a tumor. Parents got a divorce. The horse also decides to keep loosing weight instead of gain it. Mom has apparently decided to stop riding the horse so she can cuddle with her boyfriend. Now that she has a boyfriend she seems to have decided that having a horse should take no time at all, even though she’s had him for just about 16 years and KNOW he takes time! She KNOWS he needs work and care and that she’ll need to take him in from the summer pasture more often if he doesn’t get enough food. But no, she’s taking him in twice a day and ‘taking it easy and just walking a bit’.
She also forgets me and my sister exists until she needs us to take care of the horse for her. She also planned a 2-3 week trip out of country this autumn with her boyfriend and his kids. Which is great for her, only me and my sister cannot take care of the horse for that long. Doesn’t work. Especially if either of us has a job by then. I would LOVE to take care of him for her, but I CANNOT. I can’t go out by myself, being allergic to 50% of the things that exist in the stables. I am not emotionally or physically capable of spending every day all day with the horse around the horse people for 3 weeks. I’ll fucking jump in front of a train.
I can’t tell her this! Which is why she calls me to say it, because I just can’t say no to her. I have to keep everything nice and good because I don’t want conflict and I KNOW she has had it very rough but fuck aö<fejrskögöhuerhn.
Also add to this that my depression really isn’t getting better and the treatment plan I tried out didn’t work for me and I need to go see another psychologist on Thursday and… I hate everything.
Can’t we just get a fucking break? UUUGH.
I did have a great weekend so far until I got the news that grandpa got worse. Got to hang out with a friend I haven’t been in tough with in years. Which was so lovely aaaaargh!<3
Also found a “jogging-app” that helps motivate your running by letting you run from zombies.
But all in all, I just kinda feel like utter shit right now. Period-induced mood swings doesn’t actually help either. FUCK.
Listening to: NOTHING